There's something really, *really* special about being intricately connected to your best friend and the birth of her baby and witnessing her be an incredible mother to this most amazing of daughters. The smiles and the coos, and the streams of love quite visibly emerging from between their eyes. It's just so very inspirational. It's just so very special... and so is spending an entire night drinking sweet red wine with her while said baby is in dreamland, the two of us crouched beneath a blanket for sound quality, recording our own version of a song we sang together in high school choir.
The following night, I dreamed that I gave birth all alone to a quiet little daughter with virtually no pain and proceeded to wonder what I should name her. Matilda and Madeleine stuck out, but weren't quite right. Shortly after, I found myself at the base of a warm canyon river with my grandmother. There were enormously oversized herons and cranes walking around, some sleeping in the sun. Ferns grew with their roots above sand, stretching out and curing up before my eyes. Some of them even turned into intricately detailed fern-mushrooms. I picked them up with amazement. All through the water there was raw amethyst. And that's what stood out the most- the feeling of knowing there was amethyst among watery mushroom ferns and my tiny sleeping daughter at home. I've been interpreting it ever since.
There have been some intensely challenging moments in my life over the past several months. Who am I kidding... years? My entire life? All of our lives? There are things I can never share with comfort on this blog, but I know you can connect with that sentiment. We all experience hard moments that happen behind closed doors. I've been driving back and forth, between multiple states, between family and friends, between realizations. There's been an abundance of cool autumn weather and rain and wind. There have been tears because sometimes reality is just so sad and beautiful at the same time and that's immensely overwhelming. Being in search of home is not an easy feel, but I'm coming to accept that home is *absolutely* where your heart is. I'm learning that my own heart belongs with a mycelial web of community that fosters living with love and manifesting strings of significant creative moments and dreams.