Oliver and Abraham's

attack-cat wants cake

2012-01-31T00:00:00.000-05:00

As I write this, the kitty is in my lap attacking my arm and then rolling upside-down to snuggle and lick it. (Make up your mind kitten!) Jamie is in the kitchen cooking dinner. We're having steamed baby pac choi, goat meat marinated in molasses, brown sugar, lemongrass and ginger, roasted purple potatoes, avocados, and garlic bread. Men who can cook, win.

Today I woke up to a very exciting thing! Kate from Longest Acres is doing a Ladies and their Cakes series and she chose me for her first post! Last week she put out a plea for recipes, so I sent her a very basic but amazing white cake recipe from the 1964 version of Joy of Cooking that my grandma gave me back in high school. At the time, I was enchanted by all things Food Network Channel, and this raggedy old book got shoved away in a cabinet. When I moved out, it was revived because I finally realized that grandmas do know best. (Duh.)

Anyway, go check out Kate's post, and make sure to follow up down the road. Last month I found her lovely blog through some internet magic, commented like a stalker on three posts in a row (within ten minutes), and got a reply email the same night which made me relieved since I was worried I had come off as creepy/annoying. Longest Acres is full of Kate's beautiful photographs of pigs, ducks, chickens, and sweet stories about honest, daily, farm life.

Like her, I feel unbelievably lucky to have made so many wonderful friends through blogging. It can get a little lonely out here, especially since most of my "real-life" friends can't relate by talking about raising sheep or methods of cleaning out the chicken coop. It's refreshing to read about (and talk to!) other women who are dealing with similar homesteading mishaps in such a positive way. Which brings me to say, thank you so much for your comments my dear readers. I can't express how much they brighten my days. Your far-away friendships are something I really do hold close to heart. Can we have a virtual farm party?

ps. I'm in the process of creating a recipes page on this here blog. Beware, I am not really a recipe follower, except when it comes to baking, which explains why I am not necessarily a good recipe writer. I plan to edit things up a little for clarity's sake, but ultimately I just use trial and error when I cook. A pinch of this, a dab of that. You know the rundown. This new page is going to be a little nudge for me to start cooking like I used to, and encouragement for me to start making more sense of my scribble-scrabble kitchen notebook. Hope you enjoy.

pss. I have an oober-craving for tiramisu right now. Like whoa.

beckoning new life

2012-01-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

No more snow, but plenty of mud. Plenty of cool wind on my hair and mango-colored sunsets over the pasture. Plenty of 60 degree days and then back to 30. Plenty of light cotton shirts under heavy coats. Plenty of geese on the pond. Yes, I am ready for spring. Normally I'd relish in winter, but since this has not really been a true winter, I'm ready to say good bye. The seed catalog was in the mailbox today. Let it begin.

Have you begun garden planning yet? If so, what mistakes will you not repeat this year, and what new ideas are you looking forward to playing around with.

Oh! On Friday my introductory post for the Pasture of Plenty (farm interview) series was published on the Carroll County Times website. It was also printed in the newspaper to apparently gather new readers. I'm so excited!

mouth full of mercury

2012-01-27T00:00:00.002-05:00

Where in the world do I begin? Thursday seemed to be the climax of a very exciting yet emotional week. It began with a dream that I was helping one of our most challenging students fall to sleep, but when I walked to his bed, it was covered with glass from a broken light bulb... the new "eco-friendly" kind. I quickly shoved all the shards into my mouth to protect him, but immediately panicked about Mercury poisoning and uh... glass in my mouth. That's when I woke up.

Later in the day, I visited David for the first time in almost six months. David is an autistic little boy who I did therapy with when I lived in Ellicott City. I was working at a grocery store, desperately trying to get by. We had no car, so I rode my bike to David's house each week, rain or shine. It became a ritual I loved, and one he relied upon. Then we had to move away and life became absolutely hectic. I couldn't fit David into my "schedule" anymore, and I missed him. There was a time in the cabin when I thought I could resume our routine. But I realized the type of therapy I did with him wasn't feeling right. It was rigid and militaristic and made me think every day about how unfair it is that there's not adequate social space, understanding, and acceptance of autistic people. My heart hurt, so I tried to say goodbye with the understanding that we'd stay in touch on an occasional basis.

Thursday was one of those occasions. And David managed to find a hole in my heart last night. He opened it right up and made it very clear that we belong to each other. Our souls collided for a very particular reason, and there's some sort of spiritual binding that keeps us from staying apart. When I drove up, he was waiting for me in the rain. I stepped out of the truck and the first thing he did was jump up and down and then he smelled me. Yes, he smelled me. We went to his play space, ran through our old routine of songs and games, and after five minutes he said, "Do you want to hug?" I nearly cried, it was so beautiful. I can't help but think about the symbolism of Mercury, and its relation to the magic that happened with David. Mercury is considered the alchemical base metal. From what I understand, it was combined with other metals in the attempt to form gold. And then there's mercury glass, which was blown with a hollow interior and filled with Mercury to give it that sheen. I'm not sure I can cohesively interpret it all, but I feel in my heart a true connection. Something about amalgams and cores/hearts and all of this being trapped inside something so lovely.

a time for self-reflection, hibernation... and toddlers

2012-01-26T00:06:00.000-05:00

There's something so comforting about putting the animals to "bed" at dusk. Normally it's too dark to photograph, but on Sunday I managed to step outside at the perfect time. You know how nighttime seems to be a little bit brighter when there's snow on the ground...

As I write this, I'm still warm with contentment after a visit with a close friend. It's so nice to talk openly about things we bottle up inside, parts of our personalities that we fail to acknowledge on a daily basis. The rhythm of conversation flowed beautifully this whole evening. It had been a long time since I really talked with someone besides Jamie. You know that feeling? We walked to a nearby stream, listened to the water bubbling over fallen leaves, and came to realize that a common theme in our lives right now is impatience. Do you feel that too?

I was also able to verbalize (in spoken form, not the keypad) my feelings about winter and isolation and hibernation and disconnect from society. I was struggling with this feeling that something was wrong with me because I've been overwhelmed with things like Facebook and the news (...oh the news). But really, what I admitted tonight is that winter symbolizes to me a period of rest, of planning, and of inner "work." I don't crave social interaction in exciting new places, and that's perfectly okay.

ps. Speaking of bedtime, I was putting one of our three year olds to sleep this afternoon, stroking her forehead in that most tender way. I glanced around the room and then felt her little finger touch my hand. It was a pretty adorable moment... until I looked down and saw upon my palm a big, fat, brownish booger. When I saw her devious smile, I couldn't help but laugh. But really, why do toddlers think you're a walking kleenex?!

my flock of wooly creatures in the snow

2012-01-25T00:02:00.000-05:00

...and now it's all melted. Oh well, it was beautiful while it lasted. My favorite photo in this group is probably the one below the bowl of eggs. The one of the grasses looking toward the horse farm. I loved the way they stood all sturdy with ice, toward the pale gray sky and the pasture, glazed in glistening white.

How about you? Have you captured any peaceful snowy moments recently?

food stamps: a struggling farmer's best friend

2012-01-24T00:00:00.002-05:00

I must admit, this winter I've been pretty bad about cooking. It's no wonder I got really sick last month... I let the hustle and bustle of the holidays stress me out, and found myself eating nothing but bread, dry cereal, crackers, and more bread.

That might be a little bit of an exaggeration, but not far from the truth. We definitely didn't prepare well enough for the winter. We have plenty of jams, pickles, salsa, and spaghetti sauce, but we've had to resort to buying more groceries this winter than we did last year. Thankfully we were approved for food stamps.

Sometimes I'm embarrassed to tell people that, but at heart I'm very thankful for the help. I guess I just grew up being told that food stamps were the easy way out. (Not sure who told me that, but it's the impression society taught me.) But we both work very hard, we both pay our taxes, and we both make every effort to grow and preserve home-grown or locally-grown food through the spring, summer, and fall. Like I said, what we preserved last season wasn't really cutting it, and between Jamie's surgery and the financial strain of moving somewhere with double the monthly rent (not to mention more than double the farm animals...) we were finding it impossible to eat well, stay healthy, and make ends meet.

I only regret not signing up for food stamps three years ago. They would have been unbelievably helpful when we couldn't afford heating oil, firewood, a car, health insurance, etc. We won't be on them forever, but right now they're just what we needed. So I guess the point of this post is me saying that if you're struggling, don't be embarrassed and don't hesitate to apply. You can even buy seeds and plants with them to jump-start your garden!

ps. As I edit this, Jamie's joking about "honor" and me bragging about food stamps *again*. I just really wish I had been able to read a post like this one years ago. Temporary help shouldn't be something you're ashamed to ask for if you work hard as it is. Am I wrong?

dog dance

2012-01-23T00:00:00.003-05:00

It finally snowed! A real snow that's still on the ground two days later! The boys went sledding at 3am Friday night, bellies full of beer and roasted sweet potatoes. I could go for a deeper snow, but this is good enough for now. According to the almanac, there's supposed to be a blizzard on the 30th and 31st. Only time can tell.

Meanwhile, the sheep keep staring at me through my studio window like, "grrr you're all warm and well fed in there. Gimme some Nutella. This hay isn't cutting it. Oh, and our water is frozen. Get your act together and hook up the heater already. Or just stomp it through with your boot... I see you."

Compared to last winter, this one has been easy as pie. It figures that we lived in a drafty cabin with only rotten wood to burn for heat while there was constant snow and 15 degree weather for almost six months. This year we have electric heat (whoa!) and it's been mainly in the 40's and 50's. Finally it's pretty cold, but I can't help but see the irony in this. The universe sure likes to dole out tests, doesn't she?

Did you get snow this weekend?

welcoming that not-so-forgotten sense of calm

2012-01-20T08:51:00.006-05:00

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My friend Amanda is making nice songs that I can draw to. (By the way, this link was incorrect for almost 24 hours. Myspace is being uncooperative and posting odd links.) Harold, your illustration is ready. (This is definitely related since I listened to this music while drawing for you!)

Also, I'm figuring out how to lessen the amount of information overload over at Facebook. Already I feel so much lighter. Unsubscribing from all of the feeds is taking some time, but highly worth it for my peace of mind. This also gives me a reason to actually go to someone's page and actively read about their lives and say hello instead of passively participating as the "news" rolls in like I used to. So far so good... Next step is to remove most of my photography and drawings so that greedy little Facebook Empire can't have it all, and then I'm going to create an Oliver and Abraham's page. We'll see how this goes... If there's one benefit to Facebook it's that even over three days, I've had more of an opportunity to talk to my brother and other close friends who spend a lot of time there. I missed them.

Thank you everyone who commented on yesterday's post. You were so thoughtful and kind. Reading it now, I feel like I was being very whiny. But we all have times like that, right? It's good to be honest.

all jumbled up and confused

2012-01-19T00:00:00.001-05:00

The other night I reactivated my Facebook account, only to feel anxious, nervous, worried, vulnerable, and overwhelmed at the amount of information made available there. I know I put a lot of my life "out there" for the world to see on this blog, but this is actually only a small fraction of my feelings and experiences. I imagine my reaction to reactivating my account is sort of like how it would feel for a homeschooled child to go to public school for a day. Is this stress what I wanted? Is reclusiveness what I wanted? What do I want?

The truth is, after only getting two entries in that giveaway, I felt like it was a big flop and decided to give social networking a shot to increase the number of entries and simultaneously reconnect with old friends. I miss my friends who live far away, and I thought Facebook would lessen that distance. But so far it only feels worse. So many blogs I read link up to facebook and it seems to be a really practical way to connect with a larger audience. Not that I want a thousand people reading this blog every day, but a small increase would be nice, if only for the sake of interacting with more farmy-artsy-gardening folk. It would also be nice if I could communicate through this blog with more of my old friends, instead of relying on Facebook.

I'm realizing those eight months without Facebook were calming for me. They gave me a chance to focus on what I feel comfortable with. I'm a naturally private person. I like my home. I like having a few close friends. I like making dinner with them in the comfort of my kitchen. I like going to their homes and having dinner in their kitchens. When I leave though, I miss my cats and my sheep and my alpacas and my chickens. Sometimes I don't know what to talk about when I venture into public places and active society. (Sometimes I do, but mostly I don't and it makes me feel out of place and boring.) Sometimes I wish there was a way I could gather up all of my blog friends and have a little farm party with you. We could sit around snuggling cats and sheep, take a quiet walk through the reservoir, and make delicious food together. That would be way better than reading a bunch of status updates, don't you think?

I'm gonna give Facebook another try... maybe create an Oliver and Abraham's group page. Not sure yet. Is it obnoxious to self-promote like that? Should I make an Etsy page instead and sell some drawings and wool? Would anyone buy it? Should I just let internet voodoo work its magic? Should I just not care? Whatever happens, if this anxious feeling doesn't go away in a few days, I'm not going to sacrifice my contentment for social networking.

Right now I'm finding it challenging to feel comfortable outside of my routines, but I'm feeling thankful for growing relationships.

There's the whole family (spanning three generations) over at our local Farm & Home Store. There's George, our mechanic, who never makes me pay on the spot but still does an honest job fixing our farm truck. There's Willie, the man who loads said truck with hay that's baled so tight I can barely find the strings. (That's a good thing. A very good thing.) There are my neighbors who lovingly turn a blind eye on our ramshackle fence and wandering sheep.

And finally, there's you guys. The people I've met through Oliver and Abraham's. The ones on my "wandering" page. The ones who leave sweet comments or keep blogs that distract me for hours. Thanks for putting up with my all-over-the-place ramblings, and today, an odd assortment of old photos.

announcing the winner

2012-01-18T08:09:00.002-05:00

Rebecca!

Who happens to be a really awesome spinner of wool and knitter of socks.

Thanks for participating.

simple pleasures of a kaydessa wool picker

2012-01-17T07:58:00.000-05:00

With the money that our families gave us for Christmas, I bought a handmade Kaydessa wool picker. It arrived in the mail the day after my birthday, and was the most exciting (and practical) present I could have asked for. It works like a dream, and I can't believe that we even wasted our time picking that stuff by hand!

This weekend I spent more consecutive time picking than ever. It was actually enjoyable! Another bonus is that friends find it highly intriguing to pick wool now. (Thank you Kate!)

And just in case you're wondering why the last two posts are filled with photos of white curtains, I sewed them from an old tablecloth on Saturday. They're in my little art room now, hanging from a string of copper wire, and the light they let through is almost magical.

Ps. Don't forget to enter in the giveaway for a chance to win some yummy homemade caramels and some spices for making Swedish glogg. So far there are only two entries... come on guys! You can do better than that! The deadline is midnight!

an opportunity to establish roots

2012-01-16T08:00:00.003-05:00

Sometimes it's so ridiculously tempting to post things on this blog over the weekend. I used to post on Saturday and Sunday all the time, but I'm trying to get out of that habit because my weekends *should* be less technology driven. The internet has a huge pull on me. It's a real addiction and lately I've been reading so many posts from other bloggers about the same exact thing. That said, I spent almost all of Sunday researching local farms.

This year one of my goals is to get to know my community and share that process on this blog. If Jamie and I are going to one day establish ourselves here as farmers, we need to make connections and friendships. We need to learn from those who have established themselves here already. We need to figure out where the gap in the market is and how we can fill it. Most importantly, we need to build trust and relationships and know who offers what. Just today we bought lumber for the chicken coop from one of those huge corporations that I'll let go unnamed because I'd rather not support it beyond my dollars.

It's a real problem to me that I don't know who I can buy lumber from locally. And even then would it be affordable? I'd like to create a network of sorts (perhaps even a new page on this blog) linking to local resources, and potentially in the far future, a bartering system.

Like, hey I need some lumber, can I help you mill it and also give you a month's worth of our csa membership? Or, hey I need grains for our chickens, can I buy you the seed you need for your entire crop in exchange for a portion of the harvest? Or even, hey I have so-and-so you can borrow, can I borrow that such-and-such?

Right now the problem is that we don't have much to offer yet and we don't know who to offer it to in the first place. All of that is about to change though. This month I'm starting a new blog on our local newspaper's website that will feature a local farm interview each month, potentially each week. (Maybe that's over achieving though. We'll see...) Ideally I'll get to meet people of all ages with a variety of skills, knowledge, and products to offer.

Eventually I want it to grow into a re-skilling gig and start connecting, teaching, and learning from people throughout our county. It's important to know your community, and I'm happy to live in a place that's so historically agricultural. Carroll County is actually the most agricultural one in Maryland. According to the book Farming in Carroll County, "in 1917, when the first county agricultural agent arrived, 96.6 percent of the land was held in 3,384 farms." Still today, there are farms everywhere. There are heirloom tomato festivals, farmers markets in every town, a farm museum, and backyard gardens all over the place. Heck, the largest US Sheep and Wool festival is fifteen minutes from our house! During my research today I was shocked to find that in this highly conservative region there are an astounding number of progressive farmers. Many are moving away from harmful chemicals and towards restoring land that was once over-planted or over-grazed.

Sometimes a door opens on its own, and other times you need to look for the key. I finally feel like I'm getting closer to finding it. Things are on an upswing around here and it feels so good. Do you have any new projects you're excited for? Are you involved in your community? How did that happen for you?

crunchy-sappy-hippy-dippy

2012-01-13T15:59:00.000-05:00

I found this video to be beautiful and just what I needed this weekend.

I fall into the trap of taking things too seriously sometimes and know I'm not alone. Routine takes over, responsibilities prevail... But beyond all that there's this magical world at our fingertips. It's not all about jobs and money and getting things done.

It's not always about waiting.

It's about being happy and kind and helpful and loving and full of wonder.

It's about sitting in the field with your sheep and doing nothing just because.

it's my birthday

2012-01-12T17:16:00.001-05:00

That's right! Twenty-three years ago today I made my grand entrance onto this planet via suction cup and a large dose of Pitocin. Beautiful image, right? Cone-headed, slimy, drugged up me... At least a year later I was given that awesome (read: creepy) bear.

Okay, enough with the sarcasm. I'm seriously lucky to have so many amazing pictures of my childhood. They might be grainy or full of flash (...or "flashy" clothes), but they make me smile every time I look at them.

Since I've spent my days with toddlers for the past two years, I've come to reflect on those pictures in a whole new light. According to my mother:

I used to say "pizza dough" and "put it in the dryer" constantly.
I was obsessed with making my Baby Alive doll urinate.
I walked when I was 8 1/2 months old... yikes!
I hosed down the living room one fine afternoon.
I took off my diaper in the crib and covered everything in poop.
I smeared chocolate pudding all over the house with my brother.
I think that also happened with purple paint.
And raw eggs.

Thanks for putting up with that nonsense, dear parents!

ps. If you gave me that bear and you're reading this, it's really not so bad. It's just looming over that picture, adding to the quirkiness, don't you think? Party hat and all.

Giveaway: Little Seed Farm Mulled Wine Sachets

2012-01-11T08:39:00.000-05:00

Scrapple and Sweetbread over at Little Seed Farm have quickly become one of my favorite farming couples. Well, they're trying to become farmers anyway, just like us... Recently they announced the purchase of a run down farm in Tennessee. Their dream is remarkably similar to mine and Jamie's, so it's encouraging to read about how well things are working out for them. Everyone has their own little path to follow and Little Seed Farm's story is certainly captivating.

Today I got a little box in the mail from them with homemade mulled wine sachets, honeyed goat milk caramels, and gingerbread stout toffee. I was so excited that I nearly forgot I wanted to share a little of the treasure with you guys. Fortunately, sugar-coma quickly stepped in and prevented me from eating all of the caramels. They are like heaven. For real. Trust me.

So to enter in the drawing for this little gift, go read Little Seed Farm's blog, and tell me in the comments on this post something you learned, related to, found amusing or pretty, etc. Or just tell me about a sweet gift someone made for you. (I'm always looking for ideas.) If you do both, I'll enter your name in the drawing twice. Oh! And I'll include some butternut and spaghetti squash seeds I saved this fall, regardless. Seed sharing is a nice hobby. Let's do it more.

Go enter! I'll announce the winner next Wednesday. (Cut-off time to enter is 12am Wednesday morning.)

shifting gears and telling stories

2012-01-10T08:00:00.003-05:00

It's always a challenge to go from one project to the next. But it helps when your dreams hold your hand on that journey. On Saturday night I dreamed that I looked out the window and there was a massive flock of blackbirds swarming towards the house. I grabbed my camera and tried to take a video of the whole thing, but the battery wasn't working. Then the birds started turning into chickens and I had closeup visions of red feathers and underbelly fluff everywhere.

There were penguins too and I couldn't believe my eyes! How was I ever going to convince anyone that there were penguins flying behind our house?! Later, I managed to watch a video of the whole thing (even though the battery wasn't charged to take one in the first place) and saw closeup shots of the penguins. They weren't real after all. Instead, they were robots covered with felted wool, made to look like penguins.

Robot penguins!

So that's what lead me to draw a picture for my friend Harold. I'll tell you the synchronistic story of how Harold asked me to draw this particular picture when it's complete. Off to paint now!

is that you, spring?

2012-01-09T08:00:00.002-05:00

Is this winter funky or what?! In the same week we had an icy pond, 20 degree weather, beaming sunshine, bloomed flowers, and 65 degree breezes. I wore layers of wool sweaters and stockings one day, and a t-shirt the next. I just. don't. get it. But I'm not complaining! Compared to last year's winter from hell, this one is easy as pie!

Feeling a little light on words right now... my dreams have been crazy lately (always happens when there's a full moon) and I find myself retreating more each day. I spent hours outside with the animals this weekend. I also felt drawn towards watercolors and have discovered a couple new techniques that I'm loving. Creativity always comes in bursts. Everything in this life is cyclical.

What did you do these past couple days?

thank you for...

2012-01-05T22:34:00.002-05:00

...your friendly and encouraging comments. I'm feeling very antsy for spring over here (but still enjoying the numbing depths of this winter calmness). This is going to be such a wonderful year, and it seems like it's the same for all of my gardener-dreamer-crafter-builder-seeker friends.

So much opportunity awaits us! Isn't that exciting?!

ps. Thank you Jimmycrab, for lending a helping hand and for the awesome gift! That book deserves a post in and of itself! There's one of your chickens we had for dinner. Sorry I forgot to send you home with one.
Next time, next time.

Have a satisfying weekend everyone!

hand sheep shearing

2012-01-04T23:51:00.002-05:00

I have been toying with the idea (or possibly far-fetched dream) of becoming a professional sheep shearer, one who uses blade shears rather than electric ones. There's just something about it that's just so, well, badass. So tonight, I decided to search for someone who might be willing to teach me, and if not, recommendations on which blades to invest in. Would you believe that the first thing that popped up on Google was this video? And would you also believe that this girl lives a mere 15 minutes from my house? I'm thrilled that my local newspaper has a video segment on handcrafts. They've also featured a local broom-maker, the grist mill, and log-hewing with hand tools. Serious synchronicity over here. I do declare, I'm gonna learn to shear me some sheep.

ps. Big exciting wool news!!! I ordered a handmade Kaydessa wool picker and it shipped from Oklahoma today!

getting away from assuming expectations

2012-01-03T18:44:00.000-05:00

A few weeks before Christmas, a friend of my roommate Rita asked if I would draw some illustrations for a storybook she wrote for her two year old nephew. It was about places he was hiding... jungle, closet, castle, mountains, etc... I love new challenges, and always feel really honored when someone asks me to make something unique for them.

Still, I can't get over this initial assumption I always make. At heart I want to please others, but sometimes forget how to please myself in the process. I'm not sure how to explain it, but if you create art of any sort, you probably understand what I'm talking about. For example, because someone asked you to draw something in particular, you immediately assume that they assume it's going to look a certain way, when at heart you'd rather draw it the way your gut tells you to.

I've been fighting this feeling ever since a sweet friend asked me to draw "woodland creatures having a party" last year for a flyer. I assumed by that phrase she wanted it to look more like my older, doodly stuff. I'm not sure if she even expected it to be that way, but I assumed so, and wanted to make her happy so I tried. I ended up drawing this repulsive bear drinking sangria (per request, let me add) and I hated it. Jamie even hated it. It was BUTT. UGLY.

Before I started drawing it, I was so excited that she asked me to, and ready to apply a lot of the recent confidence I had gotten from being proud of a few new black and white, more stylized and "mature" illustrations. By the time I was done, I was completely drained of artistic motivation and never wanted to draw anything cartoony ever again. That's the artist's predicament. You put certain work up there for the world to see, then fall into new styles of drawing and ways of creating.

This children's book project was difficult because it reminded me of said sangria-bear, and also because it required me to draw places... something I really don't draw. I prefer to draw patterns and odd-looking characters and most of all, detailed pen and ink stuff. Once again, I let myself think that this person expected the work to be whimsical and brightly colored, when in reality I think she would have been happy no matter what. It's just difficult to tell sometimes. Nonetheless, I'm really happy with how these drawings turned out. I tried to make them more simple and stuck to a (somewhat) muted color scheme. And guess what? I actually got paid this time! Hooray for honest people who follow through on their word! Very encouraging.

what's that?

2012-01-02T21:39:00.001-05:00

Did I hear you say you wanted to see more pictures of an adorable kitten? Wish granted. ;)

a farmy new years resolution

2011-12-31T16:09:00.005-05:00

Today was another beautiful day! This winter has been the most mild that I can ever remember. Tomorrow is the first day of January, and this morning I went outside in a short sleeved shirt! The animals and I are on good terms this afternoon. (Abraham knows I'm gonna kick his butt if he tries to run over to the neighbor's farm again. I mean, COME ON. You've got 25 acres to roam on our property, pal.)

After spending a couple hours sitting in the field playing shepherdess, I'm starting to think that we're heading towards this farm business from too thrifty a direction. With a more hefty (I mean existent) bank account, we'd have this place functioning smoothly. Unfortunately we've been forced to use the materials we have and not those that would actually make our animals, land, and hearts more content. I'm all for reusing and being happy with what you've got, but in certain cases, it's like running in circles. This farm has too much potential to let it go to waste.

Okay, you're probably lost right now. (And if you're not into fencing and poop problems, feel free to stop reading because you'll most likely be bored out of your mind.) Below are our main challenges for the new year, and if you feel so inclined, speak up if you have ideas, suggestions, or opinions! I'm curious to know if any of you has ever solved these same problems, especially in ways I have not mentioned below. Remember that we have very little capital to invest in grand setups right now. What we really need is a nice donor (or accomplice) who can invest for (or with) us as long as we make monthly payments. Rich people! I summon ye! And shall give you lots of farm-goods in return!

Without further ado, here's where my mind has been:

1. Drainage. Our barn needs a gutter system. The mud is out of control. And if Lady Winter decides to finally grace us with some real snow, come spring we're gonna have a big sloppy poop-pit out there. I wouldn't mind just wearing boots, but the real issue is that the mud sucks in any and all bits of sheep/alpaca poo. It's wasteful. That manure needs to be shoveled up, laid inside the barn, layered with straw, aged over the summer, and applied to the garden in the fall. I shouldn't have to throw straw down on the bare ground just to walk without slipping this way and that. In fact, the straw-poop-rain combo is even worse than the previous poop-rain setup. So, my number one investment this year will be gutters. Also, might there be a way to provide clean rainwater to our animals for drinking purposes?

2. Fencing. Our animals are grazers. Period. I'm tired of feeling like I have to keep them locked up in a much too small (and muddy) barnyard when we're not home. I didn't anticipate it being too small, but we learn from our mistakes, right? We have an upper "pasture" but it's not much of anything really. Just a nice shady spot for them to relax during the summer. They've eaten almost every bit of grass in this whole area, and they're obviously unhappy unless we give them an endless supply of expensive hay and grains. Most importantly, this current system is unhealthy. It puts constant strain on the grass, which is never able to regrow. It puts our animals' health at risk because forcing them to continuously graze the same area means they are never able to be worm-free, no matter how much we medicate them. (And do I really want to use medicated dewormer constantly?) Most importantly, it frustrates the animals because they are bored and it frustrates Jamie and me because we're sick of chasing animals who are overly excited to just be let out for a few hours. I'm thinking electric netting is our solution, costly as it may be. Besides, it seems easier than pounding a bunch of metal t-posts into the ground. Also our central pasture would benefit by getting regular haircuts, "fertilizer" treatments, and if chickens grazed here too, a dose of tick medicine.

3. Poultry. Lots of ideas here. I'm trying to come up with the best coop design, but one that will be durable AND affordable. This year, we would like to have 20 chickens, tops. (Eventually I would like to have ducks, turkeys, enough hens for selling eggs, and enough free range meat birds to make a little side income...) This year though, I think having about 12 hens in laying production at all times is a good goal, and the rest would be birds that we'd hatch in the spring, sell some as unsexed chicks, keep some, butcher the roosters when they get big (and aggressive), and rotate out the girls every two or three years with new, healthy, young layers. During the winter I would like to use the garden fencing as their "run," placing leaves, etc. inside for them to turn to black gold. This is also convenient because it'll be near an electric source for a water heater and lamp. During the spring/summer/fall, I think being able to move this coop to different locations around the farm would be ideal for the same reasons rotational pasture management with the sheep would be nice. I'm thinking the best coop would be one like this, and then release the birds into the netted pasture with the sheep in the morning.

If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for your endurance. Just writing about what needs to be done has my brain thinking much more clearly! I'm looking forward to 2012. What are your "farmy" (or non-farmy) resolutions?

an open heart

2011-12-30T08:00:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, as I cut back the vines and brambles surrounding the most raggedy apple tree in the orchard, I felt the tingling cold of a most welcome snowflake on my nose. The air was still- hawks resting in their nests, sheep and alpacas grazing near the beehives, kitties slumbering on clean bedsheets indoors... and I suddenly remembered how perfect moments come unsuspected.

The snow continued to fall, thicker and thicker with each passing minute, but melted away when it touched the still-too-warm grass. Each unique crystalline structure that landed upon me sent shivers of revitalizing gratitude through my spine.

It's easy to get caught up in everything that's wrong, everything that could be better. But this is it. This is my life and your life and together we need to pause to appreciate Earth's beauty. In spite of all the sometimes-ugliness, we are so lucky to be allowed to exist here.

garlic knots or breadsticks

2011-12-29T08:00:00.000-05:00

She's one of my best friends from high school, and she came to stay at my humble abode one night this week. We listened to Nina Simone, drank countless cups of tea, and wore festive aprons. We made spaghetti since Rachel is a self-proclaimed expert at making pasta ("and eggs too... the only two things I cook"). I love cooking with people who appreciate the process. A slow and dedicated process. With candles for atmosphere. We also made garlic knots and chocolate beet cake.

My dearest Rachel, here is the recipe for garlic knots. I found it on the interwebz, but have since lost the link. You can also make the best pizza dough from this, or roll and twist the dough up and make breadsticks. Remember, don't put the garlic on until it's done rising. Otherwise the yeast will die.

1. Put one tbs. of sugar, one tbs. of yeast, and 1.5 cups of hot (but not painfully so) water in a bowl and let it proof.

2. Add 3.5 cups of flour and one teaspoon of sea salt. Stir together.

3. The dough will be sticky, so keep adding handfuls of flour while kneading in the bowl until it's a good consistency and no longer sticky.

4. Knead on a floured board for a few minutes or until it feels soft and supple like baby-bum (or lady-lovehandles).

5. Cover and let rise in an oiled bowl until doubled in size.

6. Then punch the dough down. Don't knead again. Pinch off tennis ball sized clumps of dough, roll by hand on a floured board and tie in little knots. You can also make breadsticks by rolling out longer and twisting.

7. Let rise for about 30 minutes on pans, uncovered.

8. Drizzle with olive oil or melted butter, garlic powder, various herbs, salt, pepper... you get the point.

9. Bake at 435 degrees (F) for about 10-15 minutes or until golden on top.

homemade caramel corn (no corn syrup!)

2011-12-28T08:00:00.006-05:00

I must admit, working in a school is really the best. Paid holidays, vacations, and a bucket-load of presents around the holidays. Last week I took Wednesday and Thursday off to get the antibiotics working (no strep, but something similar). By the time I came back on Friday, the whole front of our school looked like Santa's workshop. Ridiculousness. So many families made such thoughtful homemade gifts. Chocolate pretzels, cute kid hand-print cards, almond chocolate bark...

All that chocolate really got me in the mood for some holiday crafting. This year we did a Secret Santa thing with my dad's family. I made a sweet purple apron and a recipe book for Isabel, along with some mason jar cookie mixes. Pre-teen girls are tough to make for. They're at that age where they're becoming self-aware, yet still love to do "childish" things like baking and sewing in the seclusion of their home, without the judgy eyes of the "cool" crowd at school. If only I could go back in time and convince my 12 year old self that Teen Magazine and MTV are full of lies.

Oh, Rita and I also made caramel corn for the first time. The BEST caramel corn. Heavenly caramel corn. Here's the recipe:

1. Pop one cup of popcorn kernels and spread them on two buttered cookie sheets. Mine are big so you may need to use three.

2. In a large pot, bring one cup of butter, two cups of brown sugar, and two cups of honey. Let it boil for five or so minutes without stirring a whole lot.

3. Turn the burner off and stir in one teaspoon of vanilla and one teaspoon of baking soda. It'll become frothy.

4. Drizzle it over your popcorn. Have your partner use two spoons to turn the popcorn over while you coat it. It should be thoroughly covered. Work quickly since it cools and thickens fast!

5. Put the pans in a 250 degree (F) oven. Use a pair of tongs to turn over the popcorn every so often. Keep it in there for about an hour.

6. When you take it out, oil a big bowl and put all the popcorn in it or it'll stick to your pans. When it's not hot anymore, turn the popcorn around in your hands to separate it.

7. Now gorge yourself.

What did you make for the holidays?

gone-a-huntin'

2011-12-27T21:16:00.000-05:00

Jamie and his dad, the day after Christmas.

merry

2011-12-24T08:00:00.008-05:00

Wanna know a secret? This is my favorite book in the whole world, AND it's how I was potty trained when I was at my grandma's house. You were dying to know that, right? I imagine it went like this...

(And I should know considering how many children I help potty train through bribery at school. Don't get me wrong. Some kids are naturals, but the stubborn ones know they've got it good and resist unless mini marshmallows, stickers, or in this case, cool books are involved.)

Grandma: McKenzie, please come sit on the potty.

Tiny me: HELL NO! I'm perfectly content sitting in this wet chemical laden diaper, thank you very much.

Grandma: Seriously, go to the bathroom. Now.

Tiny me: *preparing for epic meltdown*

Grandma: I'll let you look at this totally awesome Santa Claus book. (And if you don't do it I'll call him right now and tell him you're a brat and deserve coal.)

Tiny me: *Bait taken.*

Merry Christmas!

okay so I lied...

2011-12-21T02:52:00.001-05:00

It's almost 3am and I can't sleep. So much for that week-long blog break. Pretty sure I've got strep throat. That's what happens when you're surrounded by fifty preschoolers, five days a week. Oh well... Nothing some antibiotics can't fix.

Wanted to share this lovely video that I keep seeing over at Whole Larder Love, Logcabineer, and Forest Glen Road.

just ask

2011-12-20T16:19:00.000-05:00

So I guess I should have just said it plain and simple: I needed help last week. Am I the only one who finds it really hard to ask? It's just that I see how hard other people work and it feels wrong for me to ask for assistance when this is this path I've chosen. They didn't wish it upon me or help me get here. I made it happen (along with the universe and fate and karma and all...)

Something I don't think I've shared on this blog is that my grandpa and I keep in touch primarily through email. He'd write to me as a teenager and I would always forget to respond because going out to movies and talking to my boyfriends for hours on the phone (about what, I can't remember) was way more important at the time.

When I moved away from home, my grandpa's consistent words started making sense, sinking in, and guiding me (while I still wouldn't listen to my parents). He gave me advice that was respectful but firm. He was really good about making it clear that my happiness was important to him, and that gave me confidence to really say goodbye to going to college and instead dive headfirst into growing food, raising animals, and drawing.

Anyway, after my last post where I whined and whined about how hard this month has been, I got an email from my grandpa. Among other encouraging things, this is what he wrote:

"You must realize that you and Jamie have cut out a huge part of the world in doing what you are doing and are putting a whole lot of pressure on yourselves. I know that you draw your strength from one another, and others whose choices in life are similar. Therein lies one solution to what you are dealing with. The friends and contacts that you have made would most likely respond to a shout out for assistance. Trading time and skills for now payable in the future is how group dynamics work."

And isn't that the truth? That we all need help sometimes but we're just big babies and feel guilty or embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help? We sometimes even make ourselves think that there's no one who wants to help. After I got this email, the universe decided to speak up for me. First, I got an email from a nice woman who wanted to buy our ram from Craigslist. She came on Saturday morning and we made $150. (We immediately went grocery shopping!) Then, I had a few friends email to ask if we wanted some help on the farm over the next month. Three of those friends read the post, two did not. Synchronicity! And finally, on Sunday morning my dad called me at the crack of dawn to tell me that he and my brother were packing up the car with yard tools so they could come help us for the day. We got SO. MUCH. DONE. It was also really great to spend quality time with my family, doing work and talking like we used to.

Oh! There's one other little surprise to share. Our food stamp application was accepted! I'd like to write a post about this decision someday soon. But for now, I must say goodbye. Christmas is nearly here and I haven't done a single thing for anyone. It's time to get my craft on!

Have a wonderful holiday season, everyone. I'll be back in a week.

Thanks again for all of your support. :)

exhale

2011-12-15T00:00:00.009-05:00

Most of the time I'm a fairly positive, happy, thankful person. But sometimes I run out of steam... like a normal human being. This week I'm just not feeling into anything. I'm overwhelmed, and just want to run away and ignore my responsibilities, chores, yard work, and day job. I want to pretend that money doesn't hold any sway over the quality of my life. I want to be careless for a few days. I need a vacation.

I love my job... usually. But this week I feel like there's too much to be done at home to stay there all day. (But Jamie's out of work until his hand can fillet fish, so I have no choice.) I'm alone in my efforts outside and our whole yard looks like crap. We have about a dozen half-finished projects going on and a shed to clean out. The ornamental grasses need to be cut down, the grass needs to be mowed one last time (or leaves raked, either one), the pine needles need to be raked up or they'll kill the grass, and so on and so on... I know how busy spring is going to be and I want to get everything done that we can right now. In terms of the animals, we really need to build a bigger fenced pasture and three wooden gates to keep them from devouring our pitiful supply of haybales. I have two rabbits and four roosters to slaughter, and one ram to figure out what to do with. Cross your fingers that Craigslist comes through...

Today Jamie tried to help me burn some of the vines and brambles that I cut down from the orchard, but he couldn't even do that. Basically, the only thing I can ask him to do successfully is put away the dishes. And even that takes him twice as long. Listen to me though! I sound so selfish! Self pity is ugly, especially when you really don't have it so bad. We're both just tired out right now... I'm realizing these days just how much I rely on him, and just how much we take our healthy bodies for granted. He wants to help me so badly, and time is running short before the snow comes. I'd do anything for a freak blizzard and a winning lottery ticket right now. Something to give me an excuse from this pressure.

I also want to stop being fearful of what's happening in this insane world. I don't want to think about the implications of the defense bill or playing god. I just want a normal life. I want it easy. I want to stay home and get this farm functioning and support myself financially through my drawings/possibly sewing/yarn. This wouldn't be hard to accomplish if I worked my butt off for a few months to a year. I'd need to work double time- morning at school, afternoon on the farm, night in the studio. I wouldn't have much time for blogging every day or keeping the house clean. I want permanence and security and freedom from computers. I want four hands instead of three. Once Jamie gets better we're gonna make this happen! No more apathy!

an alpaca adventure

2011-12-14T00:00:00.003-05:00

On Saturday night we forgot to put the alpacas in the barnyard after they ate dinner. (They eat separately from the sheep...) They got to sleep under their favorite tree, on the opposite side of the fence than the sheep. They must have felt like fifth graders at a sleepover! The next day I went outside for morning chores, and they followed me excitedly to the coop.

Now, before I continue you should know that the whole herd of animals has recently taken to escaping (on cold rainy days of course) to the horse farm by walking behind the chicken coop, around the horse fence, three huge paddocks, an orchard, and up to the neighbor's house. This is a BIG problem because if any of the horses get spooked and hurts a rider, the farm's liability insurance will come to us. Fantastic.

The alpacas never go there without their sheep-friends, but on this particular morning they felt like hot stuff. Or maybe they thought I was gonna give them the treat of taking them alone to visit the horses. Whatever the case, they darted past me and ran the whole way to the other farm, Abraham with his lame back leg and Oliver whipping his neck around like a wild bull.

The whole thing was pretty hilarious, even though I was out of breath, in my slippers and pajamas, and chilled to the bone. It feels good to run sometimes.

eighty

2011-12-13T08:31:00.001-05:00

Today is my grandpa's eightieth birthday. Here's to hundreds of naps together on the couch, peeling apples in the woods with tiny paring knives, the whistled tune of Popeye the Sailor Man, the song from Evita, and crabbing together on the dock.

I love you, Papa. Happy Birthday!

lazy morning

2011-12-13T00:00:00.003-05:00

Not really in the mood for writing today, so here are some links (and no, they're not sponsors):

Chocolate Circus is full of magical shots of sleeping babies, glistening fields, and woolen sweaters.

Chicken Tender is partially responsible for making me want to write more frequently and meaningfully.

Little Seed Farm is really captivating, educational, and ever-changing. I can't wait to find out how their farming adventure pans out.

The Kid Should See This is just pure awesomeness.

And finally, I'm loving this set of photos. They're making me feel really thankful for living in a place where the seasons are incredibly different from one another. I used to hate winter, but the past two years have taught me to love the sense of calm it brings.

sleeping kitten

2011-12-12T08:00:00.008-05:00

It's a daily routine now, that I say to Rita and Mike when they come home, "I took the CUTEST picture of the kitten today!" So I feel like there needs to be a book full of cute kitten pictures. Our cute kitten pictures. (As if there aren't enough books about cats...) It can be divided into sections like:

sleeping kitten

belly rub kitten

large eyed kitten

rolling over kitten

hungry kitten

naughty kitten

ps. We've been drinking lots of cantaloupe-cherry smoothies these days, with plenty of raw milk and honey. So delicious. And the best part is that the fruit was all frozen from the farm this summer.

Occupy the Future: Craftivism

2011-12-11T10:05:00.007-05:00

I met some friends at Clay Pots in Baltimore last weekend for a special event they planned. There was a silk-screening workshop, a wood-block printing booth, a whole room filled with sewing machines, and bins and bins full of donated clothing that the people traded, or re-purposed. The rest was given to the folks at Occupy Baltimore.

Downstairs, there was a group of women teaching people how to knit. It was so cool to see men, women, girls, and boys of all ages sitting on a bunch of age-worn couches knitting together. Everyone was so comfortable. I even re-learned from a complete stranger! This was such a neat event because it gave people in the city who might not otherwise have the opportunity, a chance to learn new skills. And for those who won't apply this knowledge practically (like mending their clothes), at least they have a fun creative outlet to play around with if they feel inclined, and maybe some new friends to do it with.

Now I have the knitting itch... I want some good quality wool yarn so badly! I want to make socks and a cozy cowl neck scarf! (Patience, McKenzie, patience. You've only got like 30 pounds of fleeces in the closet!) It was a big motivation for getting my butt in gear. I picked through the pokeberry red, and now I'm working my way through the chartreuse. Closer!

another sappy post

2011-12-10T00:10:00.002-05:00

So of course, I've been thinking about our wedding lately. I've had a whole year to think about it actually, because exactly one year ago today Jamie and I were sitting in front of the fireplace in the cabin, on the evening of the first snow of the year, when he asked me if I'd marry him. For a long time, we both thought we'd just be together always but never get married. And all the sudden that day it seemed important to us that we would be more symbolically bonded. To hell with being scared shitless by our parents about divorce! Sanctity is more important than cowering in fear disguised by modernity.

We're planning on June of 2012. On the farm. By the pond maybe. And I'm still set on Bill Murray being the ringbearer. I don't care how unrealistic Jamie thinks it is. All of this wedding business can be overwhelming though, especially when money or the oh-so-detailed Once Wed comes into play. I don't want to worry myself silly about wrapping the napkins with sprigs of thyme, or putting a blueberry in every ice cube. That stuff is fun to look at, but trivial when it comes to the grand scheme of things. All we really care about are friends and family and love and food. Of course food.

This is not to say, though, that I haven't given much girly thought-time to things like my dress (which I hope to make) or which flowers we should grow in the garden come early spring. I'm thinking of simple ways we can beautify the farm, which is incredibly fun and practical! And I'm getting excited for the couple days that will precede our wedding that will be filled with gathering wild bunches of flowers, ferns, vines, and moss. Those are the little details I'm okay with...

on mud, robot wrists, and love

2011-12-08T19:47:00.001-05:00

Boy oh boy... Jamie had his surgery yesterday morning. We woke up at 4am and drove to the hospital at 5. Everything was done by 10. It rained the whole day and felt like early spring. It was a fresh smelling rain, with mud puddles and the sound of pitter-pattering on the galvanized feed trough. When we got home, we watched James Bond movies, ate acorn squash, cauliflower, our favorite Polish sausage, and zucchini bread. We drank pots of minty tea and waited for the numbness in his arm to go away. (It didn't until 3am, when he woke up in a horrible amount of pain.) I really can't imagine how he feels. And we both still have not fully digested the fact that his body is going to forever be part robot. So unsettling, but at least he'll have full usage of his hand. Jamie now has eleven screws and a $1,000 titanium plate in his arm. The operation cost him a total of about $5,000. That's half-price because he's "self-pay." Did I mention he doesn't have health insurance? Thank god for moms that take out loans to re-do kitchens...

By dark it had turned freezing and snow was falling in penny-sized flakes. A perfect way to end a day that had been wholly surreal. This whole ordeal has been a real kick in the ass. We've got loads to do around the farm before the real snow comes (and stays), and now we only have three arms to do it with. Looks like that new chicken coop is gonna have to wait until spring.

I've been pruning around the orchard this week. It's overrun by wild roses, honeysuckle, and wine berry vines. All are lovely in the summer, but terribly invasive. After everything is ripped up, I'll need to prune the peaches, and in February, the apples. There are four apple trees in one of the photos above, but you can barely make them out!

We also have a fencing problem. The plan was to continue it around the orchard next spring, but there's a family of moles that have made what is already low ground even more squishy. If we allow the sheep to walk around there every day, it will most definitely turn into a mud pit. Already, our barnyard is a swamp. Next spring, when we're not in hospital-bill-wonderland, I should buy myself a pair of really durable muckboots. I have rainboots, but I've learned this year that rainboots are not for working with sheep. The thin rubber has split in several places. (Note to self: how does one repair rubber?)

Even with all of these little nuisances, I still love this life. I love the mud on my socks and the hoof-prints on my jacket. I love the smell of wet wool and fresh straw. And because of that love, I've learned a lot this year. We're such novices, but we have a support network that makes this crazy dream a possibility. Without the encouragement of a lot of people, I'm not sure we'd be where we are today. Although we have this new bump in the ~~wrist~~ road, we'll get through it. And next year is going to be the best yet! I can just feel it. I'm going to share part of a post that Jamie wrote on his own blog. He wrote it after he broke his wrist, and when I read it I cried. Happy tears of course...

"Things seem to keep getting darker as we stumble down the rabbit hole. But for me something has changed that really sets a new precedence. The pure devotion McKenzie showed while I was at my most vulnerable opened my eyes to just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful person in my life. There is no reason why my worst fear, the fear of abandonment, should ever hold sway over me again. Because I know that McKenzie loves me enough to overcome any obstacle in order to help me, and she has proven that unconditionally ever since the moment I fell (not that it wasn't ever really clear to me up until that point). She has done so much to help me, especially in the first 72 hours since I got hurt, that it has moved me to the core. I have never been so thankful to have her in my life. I can hardly believe I am lucky enough to marry someone that I can find so much faith in. No matter how dark the world becomes I won't feel alone again"

Jamie, you don't know how much you mean to me. Thanks for being such a good teammate.

space

2011-12-05T19:26:00.002-05:00

If you are an artist, craftsman, creator... what is the most ideal way for your work space to be? What objects inspire you or keep you grounded? Does any of it have resemblance to the places you were creative as a child?

oh Baltimore...

2011-12-05T00:18:00.002-05:00

Only in John Waters' city would this be real. Only there... It's called Miracle on 34th street. And the insanity is off the charts.

No really, it's true. Read up.
Mugshot via.

getting creative

2011-12-01T08:00:00.004-05:00

Out of the blue today, I decided to revamp my so-called "portfolio." Well, maybe it can actually be called one now that I'm through with it, but before? Embarrassing. It used to be that all of the drawings were jumbled together in such a lazy way.

I figured out how to use the pages tool on blogger (whoa!) and made myself pages for the different kinds of drawings. Now everything looks much nicer. Pen and ink... watercolor...and even a biography! Holy moly! Ideally, I'd like to have a nicer site, but for now this will be just fine.

I also mailed off an artist-buyer contract for a short children's book I'm illustrating for a friend of a friend. Feeling put together over here! Trying to prevent being scammed again. Did I ever mention that? I did $500 worth of illustrations and never got paid. BAM! Then, the contractors had the nerve to use my drawings on their band website anyway. Buttheads.

ps. Can you tell I hang around with four year olds all day?

turkey soup for a colles fracture

2011-11-30T08:00:00.012-05:00

Whelp. Our stove ran out of propane six months before it was "supposed to" and Jamie broke his wrist falling out of a tree, all on the same day. Lovely. At least we have some bangin' turkey soup to get us by. Backyard turkey soup, that is. The kind you can smell from the barn. Awesomeness.

sweetness

2011-11-29T08:00:00.012-05:00

If there's one sound I don't think I'd be happy living without, it's that of wooly creatures rustling up to my kitchen door and baa-ing until I come say hi. In fact, even better than that is the sound of all six sheep baa-ing their heads off while running towards me if I so much as step outside. Have you ever seen a running sheep? One that's excited because he thinks he's getting dinner? Unlike horses, sheep run in leap-form. They keep both front legs in line and both back legs in line, and leap adorably.

Every time I watch a movie with a flock of sheep my heart skips a beat. Serious sheep love. How can you not love an animal with such a sweet disposition? Just look at Bill's smile in that last picture!!!

dish soap win

2011-11-27T08:00:00.008-05:00

Well, it's true that Fels naptha makes a crappy dishsoap. But olive oil soap makes a delicious one. I actually think it'll double as bubble bath. The affordable kind. The bar of soap was $2, and when I buck up and make my own soap, it will be even less expensive. All I did was grate it and whisk it in almost bubbling, steamy-hot water. Eight cups of it to one bar of soap. That's a lot of soap for very little cost. And it works great! All I need to get is one of those pour spout attachments for wine bottles that you use for olive oil...

sometimes it's nice to do girly things

2011-11-26T08:00:00.006-05:00

So I just got through talking about what a recluse I can be, but failed to mention that last weekend a good ol' friend and I went on a lady-date. A lady-date you ask? Oh my!

Yep, we got our hermit-butts off the couch-bed-kitchen counter and decided to act our age. (...by looking at creepy clowns and porcelain dolls.)

happy thanksgiving!

2011-11-25T12:15:00.000-05:00

Favorite holiday, hands down. Any celebration that revolves solely around food is a good one in my book. So happy that it was spent with a family that knows how to cook and how to love. What's your favorite Thanksgiving food?

habits, responsibilities, chores, routines

2011-11-23T07:57:00.000-05:00

Too often I take for granted all of the little tasks and details that make me smile (or groan, depending on levels of sheep-mischief) each day. It's a wonder I ever find time to spend with friends, since I'm pretty happy just hanging out with the animals. Did I mention I'm sort of a hermit these days?

I had friends over a couple nights ago and we were joking about how tough it can be to make new friends. You almost want to make a little quiz for the "candidates," (but that sounds super condescending, so please don't think I'm so judgmental that I'm serious about it!) The most important question we came up with was, "are you gonna want me to leave my house all the time, because that's not my thang." I used to like "going out", but now I realize it just means spending money or being in a crowded public place when I'm probably not in the mood to do more than hang out in my kitchen or watch chicken-tv. I suppose we all go through phases, and right now I'm feeling quiet and content.

Ps. This is a shout-out to anyone who lives locally (...you know who you are. Ahem.) PLEASE come help me pick wool. I'll cook for you and bake you cookies and let you snuggle the kitten. ;)

repurposed curtains (...or evidence of my cat-lady-ness)

2011-11-22T08:00:00.001-05:00

we're ALL animal people, people!

2011-11-21T08:00:00.024-05:00

I keep hearing the phrase, "I'm not an animal person" ringing in my ears. It's loudest when I'm going through my evening routine of locking up the chickens, gathering eggs, putting away the sheep, and feeding the alpacas by hand while we meeer at each other. I love this part of my life. But I never imagined it would be like this!

The closest I came to being "an animal person" when I was little was riding horses for a few years until I got freaked out when one neighed while I was on top of it. We also had goldfish that my little brother euthanized with toothpaste and shampoo, and eventually we had a cat (which is why I'm a cat lady now). I heard a lot of people, family members included, say that they weren't "animal people" when I was growing up. But what is an "animal person" anyway?

We should all be animal people, shouldn't we? I mean, we're mammals just like so many of them... And it's not so unreasonable to think that people should have an appreciation and love for the creatures they share this planet with. It's really bizarre that Westernized humans have lost so much of their empathy and connection with animals, wild and domesticated. Yeah, they can be a pain the butt sometimes, (like when your 160 pound sheep gets tangled in a bunch of vines on a steep hill at dusk when it's 30 degrees outside...or maggot-balls) but overall I couldn't go back to not having animals in my life. No way. What do you think? I know there are many factors in this, but the conspirator in me thinks that this disconnection towards animals is something that has been carefully planned, like shopping malls and the corporate indoctrination and moral/educational decline of public schools.

white sugar cookies: the way to a man's heart

2011-11-20T08:00:00.002-05:00

my failed attempt at making dish soap

2011-11-18T21:37:00.000-05:00

Since dish soap and laundry detergent are both more expensive than I'd like, I got it in my head that I could make it at home. The recipe I found online said to use one bar of soap, grated, and eight cups of hot water. Mix and let sit overnight. So I did that, and the next day this stuff felt like what I imagine the human fat in Fight Club felt like. I won't lie and tell you I didn't spend a good ten minutes straight playing with it... But this stuff is useless as a hand-dishwashing soap. It leaves a white scum all over everything, and doesn't even come out of the bottle without being sucked back in as soon as your hand lets go.

I realized after that maybe the recipe didn't call for Fels Naptha. But I was reading recipes for all sorts of other soaps and got confused. So, I will be back next week with an update on Mission-Soap. Because there's got to be a way. Suggestions anyone? I'm sick of looking at the aisle of soap with baby seals on the packaging (as if petroleum based soap saves cute animals...) and "green," feel-good, clear *recycled* bottles with "no unnecessary chemicals." (What does that mean anyway?)

I suppose it would be hypocritical of me to use Fels Naptha since it's also petroleum based and apparently smells like Jamie's grandpa's bathroom. It's not a bad smell, but kind of like a mixture of old spice, shoe polish, and windex, which probably means it's pretty unhealthy to inhale, let alone rub all over our hands while washing dishes... I've got to work up the nerve to make some soap. I've got the lye!

Kristin

2011-11-15T23:14:00.002-05:00

I spent the afternoon crouched on top of the table trying to focus on one thing at a time. But I just couldn't. I went from sewing some new curtains to finishing an almost-forgone drawing to making a playlist to eating sugar cookies and so on. There was some nice farm-animal good-nighting in there somewhere, as well as a load of laundry and a freshly made bed, but focusing was out of the question. And you know what? It felt awesome! Creative energy and motivation!

All the while, I thought about Kristin. I can't stop! Never in my life have I been so thoroughly moved my a character in a story. Never have I cried so much and for so long during a single chapter. Never have I found myself imagining the experience of reading the same book at different points during my future. There's another (highly recommended) translation too, so that definitely needs to be invested in.

I nearly cried when I read the last page of this tale! It's one about being humbled and set free by the experience of the heart of god and self realization. It's about so much more that just that, but I'm still letting it stew inside and can't bring myself to ruin my feelings with written words. All I have to say is, thank you to Ginny from Small Things for recommending this book.

The drawings above have been in the works for months now, but as soon as I finished reading Kristin, I finally found the drive to complete them. I wore my last .005 black micron pen into the ground, but I've finally produced a set of drawings that makes me feel like I'm back on track again. I feel like my entire life I've been drawn towards portraying female characters. And now I feel like I'm Kristin and my characters are Kristin, and everything I've been trying to draw since first time my hand ever imagined an idea on paper has been Kristin.

brussels and fish

2011-11-14T20:00:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've mentioned that our roommate Mike works in his family's fish shop and we have the luxury of eating the goodness he brings home every week. Jamie actually works there too, so now the two of them hang out in a man-cave with pictures of newspaper cartoon cutouts with hand-drawn boobs all over the walls. (They fillet fish when they're not eating bagels or watching crappy non-cable television in the back room.)

From the above description, it would seem that this place is scummy, right? Far from it. Here's a review from Yelp:

"Freshest seafood I've ever had. The workers are, without exception, extremely well trained, fast and polite. And did I mention fast. If you've ever paid premium prices for fish in places like Whole Foods, the service here is a million times better. The workers really know their fish, they know how to slice, de-bone and fillet each one, and they are a pleasure to watch. The owners are hands-on, and very involved. It's not a chatty sort of place, but the air of professionalism is a pleasure to behold, and you simply won't taste better fish. It's pricey, but worth it. I recommend their crab cakes too." -Jane S.

All of this means we eat a lot of seafood. Good seafood. In-season stuff that's not injected with loads of artificial dyes to make it look fresh. My taste buds are lucky. And yes, I just bragged my pants off. Sorry for that.

Two things about food now:

1- I was under the silly assumption that sweet potatoes needed to be wrapped in foil while cooking. Well, we ran out of foil last week. Instead, we just cut the potatoes into a few chunks and roasted them in the oven with herbs and olive oil. I like them this way so much more! What was I thinking? It's fun to break out of a preconception. (It felt like the day it dawned on me that bagels could be made at home. Ever have a cooking/baking moment like that?)

2- Brussels sprouts from the farm. Sauteed with olive oil, butter, onions, garlic, rosemary, nutmeg, salt, pepper, and balsamic vinegar. Simple but amazing.

ps. Our nighttime kitchen provides terrible lighting for photography. Any gurus out there with suggestions? Light bulb change perhaps?

one hour at dusk

2011-11-11T19:38:00.002-05:00

Well, I should be reading the last 100 pages of my past-due library book or making dinner or picking wool or cleaning the closet or scrubbing the scuzzy bathtub or attempting to draw something worthwhile right now, but here I am blogging. This week I thought a lot about why I keep a blog. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable cataloging as much of my life as I do. (The paranoia in me starts to worry about robots and data-mining and stuff like that...) But there are many good reasons I'm still here.

Primarily I just really enjoy having a place to put all of my pictures and look back on them with ease. (It's also really fun getting comments from strangers and linking up with them through their blogs!) I could store my photos on the computer and I guess I could learn how to make an album or something like that in Photoshop, but this is so much easier! I could also print them all, and create an old-school album, but I'm too poor for that right now. Eventually, I'd like to publish a book. But the time has not yet come. We need at least one full season of living on this land before I'm ready. I need to prove myself as a farmer. I have yet to spin one single ball of yarn, let alone earn any income from anything here or anywhere we've lived. It's only just begun!

But whether or not I'll still be blogging when I'm 50 or 60 or 70 years old is still a question. No offense, but I can't imagine my grandma keeping a blog. And I can't imagine being a grandma keeping a blog. Shouldn't I be making sugar cookies and wearing aprons instead? (Oh wait. I already do that.) I feel like blogs are very youthful things. They're not lasting. They're not tangible like books or photo albums. I want to leave a traditional legacy that someone can feel in their hands. This blog is nice for now, but surely not the best way to document the beauty in this life of mine. Besides, who's to say that the interweb as we know it now won't collapse in a few years time with the economy? Just saying...

ps. Our chickens started laying eggs at school, hence the kidlet fingers.

there you have it

2011-11-08T23:05:00.001-05:00

...the state of our chicken coop. The reason for slaughtering four more birds on Friday night. Most 22 year olds in America would be out at a nightclub or a bar or a concert on a Friday night. But not me! I decided to kill some chickens. Alone. Because Jamie was at work and I thought I'd make him proud...

I guess he was relieved to have fewer poopy chickens, but I was left in a wild mental haze for the next few days. It was the most challenging, emotionally scarring thing I have ever experienced. Sure, I've slaughtered chickens before, but never alone. Jamie's always been by my side. It's so different to kill a living being without another human around. Even if it's just to say things like, "I can feel its soul pulsing through my hand." I wasn't there with my camera, trying to find the beauty in a messy situation. No, I was sitting on the back stoop with a knife in my hand, a chicken shoved into a cut-off milk jug under my arm, and blood dripping all over my rubber boots.

I nearly burst into tears the whole time. I sat with each bird for about five minutes to tell him how amazing it was to watch him be born from an eggshell, grow, and change into a feathery being instead of a fuzzball. Because I decided to incubate some eggs instead of eating them, I allowed forty something innocent souls to be born into this world. And then, after all life was drained from these four, and they hung upside-down from wire hangers on the clothesline, headless and dripping, they were suddenly just meat. Just like I'll be one day. Just like we all are. We're just bodies. With souls inside. And just like those chickens will provide us with nourishment for our bodies that can't live without, I will become nourishment for something else when I die. (Or at least that's what I'd prefer...) But in reality, I think I'm supposed to be drained of blood and injected with chemicals that will prevent a lot of creatures from getting a healthy meal. Sorry if this is grossing you out. Yes, it's morbid.

I didn't sit down to write about what will happen after I die. I meant to show the interweb how dirty our chicken coop is. (So that maybe I'll finally clean it...) But one thing led to another, and I guess that's why writing is so therapeutic. I couldn't really shake what I experienced on Friday night. Now I know that it's all linked up with this fear of mine that strangers are going to mess with my body after I'm dead. I mean, at that point it won't matter to me, but still... I'd rather be left out in the woods to be eaten by a bear than make my family pay for some fancy box with silk lining and chemicals in my veins. I don't really know anything about burial law in America, but would it be okay to at least just skip the whole messing with my body thing and stick it in a hole in the ground, preferably in my backyard? Or would that be more unsanitary than letting formaldehyde seep into the ground?

This whole rambling has probably made the members of my family who read this blog highly uncomfortable, and I'm sorry for that. Sometimes thinking about death makes me clammy and nervous, like my throat is closing in. Like after the first time I watched Capote. But mostly I'm okay with it, so long as it happens a long time from now. I've got things to do, Universe! Not done yet! But when my time does come, I refuse to accept that my soul will just vanish from all planes of existence, just like I believe in my heart that those chicken-souls are either being reincarnated in other living organisms or laughing from another dimension at how silly us Earthlings are for worrying about petty things like bodies.

exploring

2011-11-06T10:46:00.002-05:00

It wasn't very hard to convince Pawnee that we needed to explore the abandoned house at the corner of our street. Her entire home is full of cool salvaged wood and trinkets from local, dilapidated farms... So last week, we got up the nerve to just do it. We'd say we were in the business of reclamation if we got caught. Yeah. That would work... But when we got there, we realized there was a van in the driveway. For months this place had gone untouched, and on the day we want to see what it's all about someone gets there first? We contemplated driving to the other side of the road, parking, and sneaking in from behind. But we took the moral high ground instead and drove right up to the van. Nobody was there, but thirty seconds later, a muddy pick-up drove up.

Turns out, the new owner lives just down the street and today he and his dad were felling some trees for a neighbor nearby when he saw us. It also turns out that he has a pastured poultry business and provides all of the eggs and meat to Breezy Willow Farm where Jamie works. Coincidence? I think not. It also turns out that he and his father bought the 60 acre corner property to transfer the chicken business to... and start a brand new market farm! On our street. Where he's open to selling things we grow or make! One with a produce stand and probably pick-your-own veggies and pretty free ranging chickens and grass-fed cattle... All the trendy farm things that rich folk around here drool over. And he knows it because he's obviously done his reading.

And you know what else? This "new owner" is still in high school. Did you read that? He's still. in. high. school. And he's probably one of the most genuine people I've met in Carroll County since I've lived here. He has a slight (almost faded) country drawl, authentic to the region, and mentioned God once or twice in passing. He takes agricultural classes at school and doesn't plan on going away to a big fancy college. Community college is cheaper. He talked about being "better than organic" and the outdated nature of the ag. curriculum at his school. He and his dad are farmers. He grew up doing this stuff and now (if I play my cards right) I can learn something from him. The best part is that he's young and enthusiastic and excited to prevent this land from being infested with China-built homes, but at the same time, has the family guidance to make sure he succeeds as a farmer.

Fate is really lining everything up for us right now. Thanks, Universe... God... or what ever you prefer to be called.

turmeric cauliflower soup

2011-11-04T20:45:00.001-04:00

First of all, look at that sunrise! Every morning when I wake up I immediately walk to the front room (and if it's not freezing, the porch) to say hello to the view. Rita, our roommate, does the same thing I'm told. Apparently she's been brainstorming a guest blog post about the sunrise here on the farm. She even has a fancy-shmancy camera to take photos of it. Come on Rita, do it, do it! Come blog about the sun! We have real internet now, so there's no excuse.

Now, onto the title of this post. Cauliflower soup. This turned out way better than intended. When I think cauliflower soup, I imagine a creamy, cheesy soup, almost like broccoli cheddar. But we didn't have much milk, and no proper cheese. Instead, we made a thick stock from beef bones. It was on the stove for an entire day. I know everyone has their own way of making stock, but I feel like as long as you simmer the bones for a long time, you'll be all set. Each time we make bone-broth, it turns out better and better. Each time I get a feel for what we could change next time. So don't fuss over this part and become so intimidated that you won't make it. Anyway, when it smelled amazing and the marrow was clearly falling out and incorporated into the broth, I strained the bones out and added (chopped):

cauliflower
onion
garlic
carrots
turmeric
salt
pepper
thyme
tarragon
oregano

Once it was all cooked through, I added cubes of raw beef and let it simmer some more until the meat was cooked. Then I added a few handfuls of whole wheat flour until it was a little thicker, and finally added about a whole half-gallon bag of roughly chopped kale (...I used scissors, actually). I left the stems in too! This soup is for being lazy. But oh my, bone broths are unbeatable in taste and remarkably nourishing. If I didn't eat stock over the cold months, I know I'd be sick constantly from the munchkins at school.

can you believe it?

2011-11-03T18:20:00.002-04:00

We got our first day of snow in October! I don't think it's ever snowed here so early in all my life. And today, almost a week later, it was in the 70's while the sun was out. Such odd weather.

I'm sitting in my one-hived-apiary right now. The bees are inside because the sun has begun to set. I bet they're huddled in a ball right now, keeping their queen warm. Did you know that bees have a way to detach their muscles from their wings and vibrate them without flying to generate heat? Bees are so cool. I wish I could vibrate my numb fingers right now and type at the same time.

Sorry for neglecting the blog this week... been busy painting the house fluorescent colors, exploring abandoned ones, and trying to be a responsible farmer by paying the bills on time and scrubbing out muddy (poopy?) feed containers. That $450 vet bill is fully paid! Hooray!

Also, a few weeks ago I was interviewed by Severine from the Greenhorns. Holy moly! First, I got to meet her and talk about dorky farmy stuff, then we kept in touch through the internets, then she asked me to be on her radio show to talk about farming (like I know what I'm doing...), and this weekend I painted a combine for her! Not sure where it's gonna go yet, but whoa! I feel so lucky!

Speaking of art, I'm not really that into graphic tees, but I'd honestly love to wear this one... Also, I'll leave you with this video. Nearly peed myself laughing. Absurdity.

miscellaneous

2011-10-26T16:04:00.001-04:00

Things worth jotting down:

Rita and I are painting the dining room coral with blood orange trim
the kitchen is no longer covered in calico apple wallpaper (no, it wasn't retro)
Bill Murray has started to headbutt the dogs
we were partially compensated for our work at the fake farm so I bought myself some tights and a new battery for the laptop. Living the high life!
Samantha and Jacob have either forgotten how to escape the fence or grew too big to do it over the course of a week
the chickens stopped laying
Karl has been sleeping on my pillow every night
we've decided not to raise rabbits for the time being since they're depressing to care for locked up in cages (and also since we tend to forget to feed them everyday but make excuses like, it's a mental block, or... it was raining, or... I woke up too late)
the bees have started to transform their sugar water into honey

(dear roommates)

2011-10-25T08:00:00.003-04:00

Not the best quality of photos here, but I deem them blog-worthy. Who else lives with a kitty that likes to smootch fish? I didn't think so.

Jamie and our roommate Mike have been developing a very adorable bromance lately. I like that word. (I also like that I'm making them self conscious if they're reading this.) When I came home from class one day last week, the two of them had just finished cleaning up the kitchen together, had started on some beers together, and proceeded to go fishing together. But I'm not complaining one bit. That was one delicious dinner. And these two know how to cook!

Rita, I think we need to amp up the girlyness around our house. Let's get some cucumbers and facial mud and matching towels. ;)

beekeeping

2011-10-24T08:00:00.002-04:00

Thanks to some very kind sponsors, I am taking a beekeeping course! I will admit that even though I don't have a degree and don't plan on getting one, I definitely see myself taking more non-credit courses at the community college in the future. There have been three classes so far, and I'm loving it! For only a $60 class registration fee, I am a member of our local Beekeepers' Association, have a huge textbook, and will be paired with a set of mentors in case I need help. (I needed it months ago!)

I still can't believe it, but I picked up a frame full of bees with my bare hands at the field day at Hashawha Park! That afternoon I was much more confident to go into our existing hive. (I still suited up though considering I was alone...) More on that experience another time. Let's just say I'm proud to be a (novice) beekeeper. These tiny creatures are just incredible and I'm already feeling sad thinking about the months I won't be able to check out their hive during the winter.

the house next door

2011-10-22T08:00:00.005-04:00

Come November we'll have new neighbors and while it's terribly exciting to see new life come to an old house, I can't help but be a little sad that so many of the old details will no longer be there. I had a love affair since day one with that blue floral wallpaper in the kitchen. Seriously, I saved a scrap when our new neighbors tore it down. Must. Recreate. Somehow.

Pawnee was happy to let Rita and I walk through the house snapping photo after photo. Over the course of the month, she's shed many a tear, rediscovering objects and memories that had been lost since the days she was a child growing up there. Originally, it was a log cabin, built in the late 1700's (...a nice tie to our old residence). Over the years it was expanded two more times. Needless to say, there are many layers of flooring and even more of wallpaper!

Though, I think the most special part of that house is how happy the girls who lived there become when they talk about their childhood. Not sure if I shared this before, but in the 50's Shawnee, Pawnee, and Cherokee's parents moved from Baltimore to start a farm out in the country. The mother looked at the house alone, the father looked at the land alone. The third time, when they went back together, they bought it. After moving in, the father ripped up the carpeting only to find the wood floors in terrible condition. ("Wife, you let me buy a rotting home!") There were literally huge, gaping holes in them! But they replaced them with plywood and awesome retro linoleum of sorts- the kind you see in dated middle schools, the kind that fits right in with mustard yellow lockers and baby blue bathroom tiles. Just one example...

So much character, in the people and the objects they surrounded themselves with.

fog

2011-10-20T17:33:00.003-04:00

I've never seen weather like the kind we have on this land. The reservoir blankets the valley in a sweet, musty, chilled fog this time of year. It smells like forest mushrooms and moss. The occasional breath of wind that comes with it is reminiscent of decayed leaves and honeycomb and every so often, carries a whiff of damp wool. In the morning the pond and the surrounding grasses shimmer with dew and steamy mist. The sun soon rises and clears away this magic, but if it's a rainy day, the clouds lower themselves once again upon the meadow. Our sheep graze in a dream-state, wandering through the mist, eyes lowered, lashes dripping with condensation like spiderwebs at dawn. What might they be thinking about on sleepy days like these?

memories

2011-10-18T15:00:00.006-04:00

The day that I gathered Black Walnuts, I also spotted the neighbors' horses hanging out right next the our sheep and alpacas, which were grazing next to the chicken coop. Such a little animal party back there! I was so excited to stroke the horses' chins. Minnie Jen even came by to sniff their noses. Their breath was warm and sweet like hay and grain.

When I was little, I rode horses for years and years (until one of them neighed and reared at another while I was on it and scarred me for life.) Still, one of my best memories, though I can't be sure it's not a dream, is of riding through an open field in fall on a huge black stallion with my dad. I was terrified because we were galloping the fastest I'd ever gone, but the feel of the crisp wind on my cheeks will never escape me. I must have been under five years old. I'm reading Kristin Lavransdatter right now. This memory reminds me of the relationship between the father and daughter in the book.

linens

2011-10-17T14:23:00.001-04:00

Yes, I do love me some vintage hankies. Ironing too. It's nice to look out the window meanwhile, and see the sheep chewing the cud five feet away next to the fire pit. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's amazing to think that average people used to spend hours putting pretty details on something that was destined for boogers. Why is that unimportant now? It's not that we need dainty hankies to blow our snot onto, it's the act of putting so much work into a craft instead of sitting around playing video games or watching television that is a marvel to me. (And here I am, typing away on the computer, being a total hypocrite.) Sometimes I wish that there was no such thing as computers and internet and television. It would be nice to not have this technological addiction in life. I'd much rather be "addicted" to meditating on lace and embroidered Chinese lanterns.

Black Walnuts

2011-10-13T15:00:00.039-04:00

It's really and truly fall. The leaves are beautiful shades of orange and red, the winds blow strong at night, the reservoir has turned from the bright aqua of summer to a deep navy. Yesterday the rain finally came and brought with it a chill that only a thick sweater and boots can fix. I spent the last dry day gathering black walnuts. Here is a really good website all about the topic.

I just want to say that nothing is more practical than wearing a petticoat. (Sorry boys.) I got this white eyelet skirt five or six years ago, but sat in some glitter paint a few years back so it's not that pretty from behind anymore. That doesn't mean I still can't wear it with another skirt over top. Also, it's got pockets. Enough said.

So when I harvested these walnuts, all I had to do was use the top skirt as a sort of basket. I do this all the time for eggs, tomatoes, anything. Not that I really follow (or care about) what goes on in the land of fashion, but sometimes I wish it was more socially acceptable to wear aprons all the time. Like to the grocery store. And to Home Depot. And to work.

When I was three or four, I wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween- but not the princess version, the poor one. So my mom made me a brown corduroy dress with a ripped bottom and I think I smudged dirt on the apron and stuck gum on top and cut around it to make it real authentic-like with holes and everything. Seriously, I was born in the wrong time period. If I had to go back, I think it would be to the 1800's. Like I said, I grew up devouring the Little House on the Prairie series... Anyone with me?

Spike, Fluffy, and Ketzel

2011-10-12T16:08:00.002-04:00

Meet Spike and Fluffy, our neighbors' dogs who greet me when I lock up the chickens. They're turning into fabulous shepherds. All we have to say is "go get 'em boys" and they chase them into the barn. Next, meet Ketzel, the chubby sausage of a dog. He's like a mini Bill Murray, isn't he?

Ps. Do you see all those 50 pounds of moldy sheep food in my backseat? That's what happens when you leave it on the floor of the car when it rains non-stop and your sunroof slowly leaks. Oh, and did I mention we don't have a vacuum with a hose attachment? Lovely.

lets play pretend

2011-10-10T17:38:00.000-04:00

Well, I had the urge to start writing this awhile ago, but then I decided to eat lunch and think about it, which turned out to be useful. I kept having thoughts beam into my head which led to other thoughts and other perspectives. Basically, the end result was me thinking that things are way more complicated and confusing than I imagined. That's how passion works sometimes. You get all hyped up about one inspirational conversation that headed in a particular direction, but then upon further alone-thought, you realize that you don't know the answer and probably nobody does. That brings me to another reason why I've hesitated posting this since Friday. I kept thinking all weekend that it would offend someone I don't want to offend. I obviously can't say with absolute certainty that how I feel right now won't change with time. I know everybody is different and we're all victims to circumstance. I'm not trying to place blame by putting this out there, just getting some things off my chest that I think about pretty frequently. You may or may not agree. This is just my take on things right now.

What am I talking about? The state of modern family structure. Some of you might know that I work at an amazing Montessori preschool/kindergarten. That means I get to spend my day:

setting boundaries and routines and following through with them (this means I'm not allowed to be a pushover)
wiping butts and boogers
listening to the sound of motivated learning all day long
teaching kids how to harvest vegetables and care for chickens
getting bombarded with artwork
encouraging empathy
having conversations with two year olds like:

P: Ms. McKenzie, wanna come to my house?
M: Sure!
P: Wanna see my trains?
M: Okay.
P: Wanna meet my dad?
M: Alright.
P: Wanna see my muscles?
M: Yeah!
P: pitifully cute attempt at flexing arm muscles

I'm not even in the classroom most of the time. I work in the office and get to plan a lot of what the kids do. I organize our summer camp, special guests, and school events. I also get to plan our garden and evolve the outdoor play area. Oh, and I get hugs all day long. It's basically my dream job.

Still, there are moments when I'm reminded about the way childhood is treated in this day and age. We do our best at school to avoid the terrible effects of television, social engineering, and advertisements. But what happens outside of school tends to be far more influential than we'd like. Just taking your child to the grocery store these days means he'll be bombarded with flashy graphics designed specifically to catch his eye and trigger whining! Unless you're gonna lock your kid in a closet, some of this stuff is unavoidable.

I think about the way I grew up and the things my own parents exposed me to and allowed me to become obsessed with (Teen Magazine, mall-ratted-ness, MTV to name a few...) I wonder if these families will do a better or worse job at preventing that sort of slum from brainwashing their kids. On one hand, they have open-minded parents who are willing to pay extra for quality education. Not that I think my parents intentionally made choices I'd deem as mistakes... they grew up as part of the system just like I did and it was the norm. AND I WHINED. Did I say I WHINED? They did what they thought was best for their sanity and my well-being. That doesn't change the fact that I feel America's public school system has little to offer to the developing child. You get sucked into pop-culture from day one. Enormous corporations fund the textbooks, Coke vending machines and fast-food vendors decorate the cafeterias, cheerleader uniforms are allowed to look like something a cheap slut should wear. And somehow this is okay?

Going back to preschool, to make matters worse, parents have to work extra long hours to make ends meet and only get to see their kids in the morning, at night, and on weekends. A lot of that time is spent in the car going from one activity to another. The worst part is the guilt. Because they infrequently see their kids, most of these parents give into their children's every pout. At home the kids get away with so much more than us hard-asses at school allow. Maybe some of these parents truly love their jobs, but I'd venture to say that most would prefer to spend more time at home with their children. And that makes me sad for them. They know what they'd rather do, but can't seem to find a way to make it happen.

In writing this, I run the risk of parents reading it and thinking I have no right to say these things since I don't have kids myself. Or they might think that I'm targeting them in particular. In reality, I'm not. This is a national (if not global?) crisis of so-called "developed" countries, and we can't ignore it. More importantly, people who will have kids in the future shouldn't ignore it. It's best to learn from these mistakes. Things could be better. They should be healthier, more consistent, and more wholesome... for parents and for children.

In my ideal world, families would live in tight-knit communities, in village-like structures. Adults would help each other raise the children in a careful, spiritually-sensitive manner. (Obviously this would put our school out of business. I think it's safe to say this won't happen for quite some time...) Each home-setting would have it's own daily rhythm and provide sanctuary and peace for all inhabitants. The people would communally grow and raise their own food and everything would be just peachy. Kids wouldn't need "hammer work" because they'd build things all the time with their dads. They wouldn't need "weaving work" because they'd learn how at a young age no matter what. They wouldn't need washing work or pouring work or punching work.

They would help each other through struggles. There would be a whole "tribe" of kids that could safely (in numbers) roam freely to play and learn without parent supervision. Sound like a fantasy? At this point it is. I grew up in suburbia, but it was far from a community. Everyone had 40+ hours-a-week jobs and ate Chicken Nuggets, canned green beans, and boxed Au-Gratin Potatoes for dinner. There was gossip and social segregation and shiny green lawns. There was unhappiness and mid-life crisis and divorce. Please don't think I'm trying to say it couldn't have been worse. We had food to eat and a house to live in. I was dressed well and sent to a "blue ribbon" public school with the best of intentions. I had parents who actually cared that I made good grades and helped me make them. But still, you've got to admit it was lacking in the spiritual, moral, non-materialistic realm...

The only thing that resembles my fantasy is that there were plenty of kids and we had plenty of freedom. We'd escape to the woods for hours on end. We'd play "house," and try in our desperate, childish ways to recreate old fashioned, seemingly healthier, simpler versions of family-life. We were American pioneers. We were Laura and Mary Ingalls. We were human beings. At least there was that...

But with everyone farming in my pretend community, who would take care of the sick? Who would make sure bridges didn't collapse and that cars kept being built and that oil kept getting extracted? Who would tell us to keep watching t.v. because everything was hunky dory? For god's sake, how would we watch NFL and feel a part of a larger "community?" This lifestyle would imply a dramatic shift in what our society designates as practical needs and unsustainable wants. It would demand a shift towards more internal focus and community outreach. It would mean taking a good hard look at the concept of empathy.

It would also redefine what we consider "work." In Montessori schools, the activities on the shelves are called works. Children will ask, "can I go find my work?" They take pride in their work and the motivation to complete it is theirs alone. It's not a drudge. It's not a chore. It's something that they want to do. Most importantly, they take joy in completing it and often get there with the eager help of their classmates. Can you imagine if people took responsibility for their own communities just because? What a world! Is it feasible? I don't know. Is it impossible? Not entirely. We all know something needs to change. In Montessori's The Secret of Childhood she writes,

"One of the greatest problems facing men is their failure to realize the fact that a child possesses an active psychic life even when he cannot manifest it, and that the child must secretly perfect this life over a long period of time. The child is like a soul in a dark dungeon striving to come out into the light, to be born, to grow, and which slowly but surely animates the sluggish flesh, calling to it with the voice of its will. And, all the while, there is standing by a gigantic being of enormous power waiting to pounce upon it and crush it."

Does it have to be that way? Why can't we seem to face that gigantic "being" of enormous power? Why can't we face society's state of moral decline? Why can't we raise our own children instead of allowing cultural demands and a corporate interests to do it for us?

my camera

2011-10-08T12:09:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite things to take pictures of is fire. And luckily, I have a very cooperative camera. It's no fancy thing... no detachable lenses... not bank-breaking. But I love it. The best part about it is that I don't feel like I'm trying to be a photographer in public. I can sneakily take pictures and it's not very obvious. When I'm with the animals, I can stick it in my pocket and not worry about getting grassy saliva all over it.

Also, none of my pictures ever need editing. Never. Not that I would know how to edit them anyway, but still... So often I feel pulled from one thing to the other. I want to draw and paint and give my sheep head scratches and bake pies and sew AND take pictures. But there's just not enough time in life to focus on one art in particular. I'm no expert at any of the above, but I manage to have fun.

On second thought, I am really talented at sheep-snuggling...

sweaters and seeds

2011-10-06T08:00:00.002-04:00

Don't be fooled. I'm not so with-it that in addition to drawing pretty things every day and sewing all night long (yeah right) I also have time to make cutesy (read: unpractical and elaborate) seed envelopes. In reality it seems like these days, the only things I can focus any of my creative energy on are garden-related things. I can't shake the cover crop-manure pack-spaghetti squash fever!

It used to be that I dreaded the impending cold weather. It meant short days and numb toes. Now it means a break from weeding and sweating. Anyone else ready for some obsessive compulsive winter garden planning? I am.